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I'll do anything I can to make this right. I love you. Please call me."I took the phone into the bathroom with me so I could hear it in the unlikely event that he called me back promptly. I had no reasonable expectation that he would call but I was not willing to take the risk that I would miss his call.I turned on the water in the shower. I made it very hot. I wanted to wash away whatever I could of what I had done today. All I succeeded in doing was ridding myself of any remaining traces of midlife. I washed thoroughly inside to make sure of that as well.Happy anniversary to us.It had taken all my strength to try to keep it together to think of what I might do to start making amends, to make plans to start the process. Nothing remained. I sank to the tile floor and started to sob. I didn't slow down until I became aware that the water was now cold.I exited the shower and toweled off. Instead of sobbing now, I was shivering.Being alone is not a terrible thing in itself. Many people. I didn't know what that was at first, but when I sent a note back she drew me a picture. She said one of the girls at school ordered a bunch from some catalog. Elizabeth wrote that she kept hers in her locker at school, and when she did herself in the bathroom she would think about me. God, that made me get a hard-on just thinking about it. I told her so, and she wrote back that she'd prefer me to the vibrator any time. If found out what she meant that night. A bunch of us were watching TV, with me and Elizabeth and Nicholas all sitting together on the couch. She had on a sweatsuit, which made her look kind of lumpy -- but I still remembered what was underneath. Anyway, she said she was cold and grabbed a blanket and threw it over her lap -- and then she asked if I wasn't a little chilled, too. I was too dumb to figure it out then, but luckily Nicholas, who was sitting on the other side of me, said he was -- so Elizabeth spread the blanket over all our laps. In a little while she.
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